Sunday, November 4, 2007

An Explanation of Sorts

It was this time of year when U2's single "Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own" was first released. I was parking my car in the lot across 4th & 5th from the Liberal Arts building one morning as I headed to my English 102 class. The first word, tough, caught my attention as I pulled into the parking lot and I sat in my car listening to the haunting melody as it was revealed to me for the first time. The song ended and I sat in my car another thirty or so minutes bawling.

I don't cry in front of people or at least I avoid it at all cost. However, that November day I sat in the car unafraid of any wandering eyes that may have spotted me. That evening I walked back across 4th & 5th to my car and found my cell phone blinking with a new voice message. It was my best friend in the entire world, beginning his message with four words that wrapped up my entire day: "So there's this song..."

Friday evening as I was driving home, I turned on the radio, something I rarely do anymore, and there quietly began that song by U2. It hit me nearly as hard as it had that fall morning when I heard it for the first time. This time it was more than anything a reminder to me that you don't have to be tough all of the time. When the song ended I picked up the phone and called another friend. The kind of friend I email constantly, but only call occasionally. I called her for no other reason than to hear her voice and reassure myself that it really is okay if you can't make it on your own sometimes.

This past week was perhaps the most difficult week of my life. I battled the demons of my past, faced the pain of the present, and got a glimpse of the obstacles in my future. I wish I could explain this without revealing the deeply personal battles that have been mine this year, however, I can't. Without question I will be first in line to welcome and celebrate the end of 2007 and the beginning of a new year.

I truly believe the only way to live life is to subscribe to that philosophy of falling down, getting back up, dusting yourself off, and jumping back into the game. However, it might be awhile until I am back in the saddle completely. Please be patient. Blogging isn't the most important thing in the world. In fact, it isn't even in the top ten.

3 comments:

Jessica said...

"Every trial endured and weathered in the right spirit makes a soul nobler and stronger than it was before." James Buckham

You'll be fine, of this I am sure.

MountainGoat said...

You've got lots of friends out here, Tara and here's hoping you can "dust yourself off" quickly.

Julie Fanselow said...

Tara,

Thank God for Bono and the boys. Their music has lifted me up and kept me going countless times. There was this one early November day three years ago, for example ...

Sorry to hear you've hit a rough patch. What MG said: Your blogging peeps will be thinking about you as you negotiate these bumps in the road.

Another great U2 song for these days:

Walk on, walk on
What you got, they can't steal it
No they can't even feel it
Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight..