Monday, June 16, 2008

Growing the Hell Up

Yesterday, for the first time in over four years, I called my father to wish him a happy Father's Day. If I truly learned anything this past week it is that holding on to bitterness and anger only makes you a chronically bitter and angry person. I don't want to be that person. I have Zeb Bell to thank for that wisdom, though I suspect he doesn't consider himself a bitter or angry person.

Saturday morning I was supposed to attend the state central committee meeting at the IDP convention, I didn't. It wasn't about being irresponsible. Years ago I may have bailed on the meeting in favor of sleeping in. Not now. I didn't attend the meeting because I was caring for my stiff and sore back. I was being responsible for my health, something I've never been particularly good at.

Wednesday evening I faced a mistake I had made head on. Instead of hiding from it, instead of trying to explain it away, I owned up to it. Maybe my honesty lessened the consequence. I would like to think that being honest brings with it its own reward, however, there were still consequences and the only thing being honest gave me was the ability to say so.

Earlier in the week I was having lunch with my younger brother and we were discussing our aging grandparents. We have taken for granted the blessing of having our grandparents with us for so long. They have been our support, our biggest fans from day one. And they aren't always going to be with us. Both my brother and I are recognizing this and I think it speaks volumes to how much he and I have both grown in the last year that we are savoring our time with them now and recognize it as such.

Friday night I was sitting around a table with my fellow bloggers and it occurred to me that despite my frustrations with them in weeks prior, I truly am respected in that circle. Maybe my knowledge of Idaho history, Gracie Pfost aside, is worth something to them. It also occurred to me that a few of those people at that table are people I talk to more frequently than some of my own family and they are becoming exactly that--family.

This morning I realize that none of the things that have happened this past week define me. They are all a part of me, all a part of the learning experience that is life. They are all large parts of who I am, but the person I am today is still being molded. I'm twenty-three years old, far from being completely grown up, but day in and day out I am growing the hell up.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Tara-
Good job! It is better to be happy. I miss you
Elizabeth

Tara A. Rowe said...

Elizabeth Kidd?!?